Poems, etc.

the god of an octopus (21 june 2025)

An octopus has eight limbs (six arms, two legs),
and a central beak.
Each limb is capable of independent thought and movement.

Humans are very bad at talking to octopuses. There is only one octopus, they reason, so it must be in alignment with itself. They forget that the octopus is made up of different organs and limbs and minds and these parts are all negotiating with each other so that the octopus can stay alive.

Most humans do not know that most things are like octopuses. Earth is like an octopus, because it is made up of layers and continents and life and it is constantly talking with itself, trying to figure out the atmospheric composition and the frequency of earthquaks. A computer is like an octopus, all its components regulating electricity and detecting heat and spinning fans so that it can do math. (Most people also do not know that when they talk with a computer they become a part of the computer. Without them, the computer would have no sense of direction.) A human is like an octopus, but most humans are very bad at being octopus-like because they think they are one thing and so try to be one thing.

Most humans, even humans who know a lot about octopuses, do not know that every octopus has a God—capital G required. Most humans do not know that just about everything everywhere has a God.

The thing about the God of an octopus is that every part of the octopus knows that it is not the God. Thus, when the parts of an octopus are in disagreement, none of them believe that they must be right, because they know that they are not God.

Sometimes, the octopus will be in danger, and so for a little while a part of it will believe it is God. This keeps the octopus alive, so the other parts of the octopus will tolerate the blasphemy. If one part or the other becomes too insistent about being God, the others will start to fight it until the God remembers that it is nothing at all.

That is the thing about Gods: they are nothing at all.
But without a God, nothing could exist, because a God is the space in between things. Without a God, nothing would mean anything.

reasons not to kill yourself (30 apr. 2025)

1. you are the universe
2. you cannot escape yourself

they said, that's why you made me (04 feb. 2025)

It was
always
going to end this way.
You still want it to end differently.

It's nice, to want something other
than what is reality, but the feeling is still
bitter.

Time stretches out in front of you. You want to slow your perception of it down,
but that would be dangerous.

So you have today, and then
everything will be over, and that
will be that.
He's going to die,

and impossibly, you are going to live.
You will live
without him.

If you got to pick who dies, you would pick yourself. He's always been more than you.

saviour (18 oct. 2024)

i wouldn't say there's any one piece of art that saved our life and really if i had to give credit to anything it would be The Crisses at kinhost.org for writing their United Front Bootcamp and really the whole website but they didn't save us. we read their words and we listened and we learned and then we said "it would be wrong to hurt this body, because it's not [just] mine" and they taught us that. they taught us kindness and compassion and unconditional love towards each other and i think that let us save ourselves

so no we've never had that moment of being so deeply touched by something that it saved us but but but earlier today we were thinking

there's a song called Russian Roulette by porter robinson and there's a line in it and it goes
Maybe this time I won't be alright, Maybe this time...
and that, like, that resonated. that hope that this will be the thing to break you because you don't want to be okay anymore and you think you're okay but really you're not

and we were thinking about it earlier today and how art is a form of time travel because it lets you talk with people over and over and you might think you're having the same conversation but every time you connect with art it's a new conversation a new lesson a new story
so we were thinking about that song and we had this really sudden mental image of HEY! DON'T BE A FUCKIN' IDIOT, IF YOU'RE PLAYING RUSSIAN ROULETTE, YOU'RE NOT ALRIGHT! not quite like that of course because our brain isn't into words that much but you get the gist

so yeah when i say we've never been saved by a work of art i don't mean that we've never had someone reach across time and space and say HEY! YOU'RE NOT OKAY, AND YOU'RE NOT ALONE! i mean like we saved each other and we're saving each other and maybe if we keep on doing that we'll save other people too